I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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