As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm at about main and main street
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
