Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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