My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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