Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
