Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
ok first of all what the fuck
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
