been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
