okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
