did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
