i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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