Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
