He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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