It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
