Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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