the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
