i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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