she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
