Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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