Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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