it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
