I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
