You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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