i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
