I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
zippers are such a cool invention
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it glows. i had to have it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
