i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
