I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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