you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
