He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
