I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
