Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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