I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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