He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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