Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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