The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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