are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
