google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
