I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
