I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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