No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
