I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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