There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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