woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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