So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
