im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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