so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
