YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
