the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
