So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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