If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
