Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will be naked everywhere
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
