everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
