he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
