RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
