is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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