she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
