You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
His nipple licking is glorious
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