The maid of honor just puked.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
