i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
