the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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