Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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