i permit you to call me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
