i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
