i permit you to call me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
