apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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