that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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