I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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