i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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