"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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