There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
