i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
